Is my essay too cliche?

Writing about assimilation as member of the model minority or over represented minority population on your main college apps is like "walking a tight rope". It is very tricky to balance capturing the attention of the reader and make the argument that your struggle was something unique, singular, and formative in making you a ideal applicant for the college.

Chinese immigrants have almost a 250 year history in America since they first arrived and settled in San Francisco in 1785. As such, there are millions of Chinese-American immigrant stories and each years there are new sets of derivative immigrant experiences as mainland China students make their way into the US for higher education.

As America becomes more a melting pot of blended families, blended cultures, identities, religions, races, and generations all living under the same roof, from a sociology perspective, it is indeed interesting to study how certain traditions remain in tact while others disappear.

Where I have difficulty is that I don't understand the impact of these experience in how these struggles have informed you to be a better person, a better role model, a better community leader a better prepared student. Why would a college admissions advocate for you based on your essay?

I could be wrong, but I think there has to be compelling conclusion to your narrative that gets the admissions officer excited about speaking on your behalf.

Let me explain this in another way. If your thesis is that Chinese parents who want their children to have a better life than their own experiences by stressing that their offspring must be professionals that have high earnings potential like Doctors and Lawyers, often don't realize that the cost for assimilation to be competitive students to be considered by Ivys, Elites and Top liberal arts college is a very steep price to pay. Not only are these parents asking their kids to keep their Chinese identity, culture, religion, traditions in tact, they want them to compete with best of the best peers, many of them who are privileged, wealthy, powerful and legacy applicants to the very schools they are trying to gain admittance.

I think that talking about this complicated math problem is more interesting to read because it's rare thing indeed that you can find a perfect solution to make your parents happy by both being an American success and a Chinese success. Now if this is something that you wish to explore and study as an academic by becoming a student of Chinese American History or Sociology, then writing about it as your main essay aligns with your narrative and intellectual curiosity.

What I suggest is that the "dots" have to connect to something greater that defines you as person, something that interests the reader who could be White, Black, Hispanic, Queer, Young, Old, Male, Female, etc. Unless someone who is a Chinese American who can read between the lines and find some commonality with your struggle, and come up with some "light bulb epiphany" about your personal meditation, I don't think most admissions readers would find this essay a compelling reason in itself to give you the "nod" and advocate for your as a compelling member of the next Freshman class.

If you are applying to Top college were there is already an over-representation of Chinese Americans as compared to their population stats, I think there are far too many of these type of essays that admissions officers have to read. Think about it some Ivys have up to 15% Chinese matriculates compared representing less than 2% of the population. You are unfortunately in the most competitive demographic pool at top colleges, with White applicants being 2nd.

If you can't tie your Chinese v. American essay into something compelling, I would recommend that you pick something else to write about that communicates who you are as a unique singular person.

Good luck.

It is a bit of a cliche topic, and I've seen a lot of similar essays, especially from Asian American applicants. While it is clearly something that impacted you a lot, I feel as though you're likely to get lost in the crowd, so to speak. Because it's such a typical topic, nothing makes you really stand out compared to all those other essays I've read.

Obviously, the choice is up to you, and if you feel that it's so important to you that you're willing to risk it, go for it! But especially if you're aiming for top schools where good stats are standard and they look for personality and the right fit from essays, its super important to make sure your uniqueness shine in your essay to highlight why you are the best candidate.

I relate strongly to this topic, being Asian in a non-Asian country myself, but I'm giving you the same advice that was given to me when I was brainstorming my own essay topics. I don't want to shut down your idea or invalidate your experiences, as I know firsthand how much of a struggle it can be to find your place in a foreign culture, but at this point, it's something admissions officers have probably seen hundreds of times.

Hope this was helpful :)