Can any other trans people tell me how to navigate applications when you're only partially outAnswered
So I am part of the the class of 2024 and my school recommend we put in our applications our junior year but my parents are so dead set on being extremely involved in this process and I'm not out to them yet (and will not be until I am in college) which means I'm probably going to have to use my deadname, pronouns, etc. on the forms. I honestly don't know how I'm going to go about this, if there's any other trans people here who had to navigate that, please tell me how you were able to do it.
I honestly think that I might just go along with my deadname and old pronouns and then have them changed at whatever school I get accepted to.
Thanks :)
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Hi! To begin with, I'm not trans, but I still identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community and I really wanted to answer your question. I wanted to say that, as a current senior navigating the entire process as we speak, the best choice is probably to use your deadname for applications and the pronouns you may not associate with.
Although I know this probably isn't the response you're looking for, if your parents are so deadset on following you every step of the application process, it will be very difficult for you to avoid using your deadname. However!! If you are using CommonApp to apply for college, there is a section where it asks you if there is any other first name that you go by, and you can put the name you go by (As well as your deadname earlier in the application). You can also select multiple pronouns to go by.
Again, I have never dealt with this kind of issue myself, but I think maybe you can convince your parents in some manner (maybe) that you go by your current name because you think its cute, or some other excuse that doesn't force you to come out to them. That is just a suggestion though, it all depends on what you're comfortable with!
I do agree with the idea of changing your deadname/pronouns once you get to your desired college and if that's what makes you the most comfortable then by all means do it!! But, truthfully, I don't think there is any real way of avoiding using your deadname if your parents will be so involved. Unless you complete your profile (where you put your name, pronouns, gender, etc.) independently and don't show your parents, I can't think of any way to navigate this that doesn't include a bit of lying/hiding things from your parents. Best of luck with the process!
But I really hope everything turns out well for you! If it serves as any comfort, I have a friend of mine that is also trans, and they are using their deadname because they also haven't come out to their parents yet.
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Thank you so much for this advice I think ill just use my deadname and pronouns :)