a year ago
Admissions Advice

Optional essay advice HELP!! dealine in 4 days

{these are (mine) graceanne deladem's submission and my original essays, please dont plagerize :D}

Hey I am applying to NYU and I have done research I was wondering about if I should specify that in my optional common app slot or maybe talk about the arts and my love for violin. My love for the violin and arts is a part of me but kinda arbitrary as I have not done anything significant and my research is really important to me as a student. I will include the research essay below if you want to see it please help lol. I have to apply within 4 days :)

"With CAS 9 CRISPR we can take back power from nature” - Graceanne Deladem.

Those are the final words of all my research presentations. My strong conviction of the marvels of scientific technology led me to aspire to be on the front lines. I formulated a research question about the plausibility of editing a human embryo to give it a heterogeneous advantage against malaria, and curiosity has led to 2 life changing internships.

At my LabCorp internship with Ms. Kaitlyn Victor, I process samples through complex technology and use laboratory techniques allowing clients to fully understand the genetic causes of their cancer leading many into remission.

My internship at the NIH allows me to work with other scientists and researchers. in this I also have access to CAS 9 CRISPR technology where I am working to answer my question about the plausibility of editing the human genome. I have presented my research to high schoolers in my area and other science professionals.

I plan to continue my research and later publish data and findings. If my hypothesis is confirmed my research could potentially change the lives of many individuals as it means, there is hope for individuals with genetic disorders.

So thats the research essay but, with the arts essay I was just going to go in depth about like things at NYU I would love to be a part of museums I would like to visit and like open with a description of how I feel when I listen to classical music and play the violin. I dont know however if that is appropriate for an optional essay section and I dont want to annoy the ACs because thats like a 1000% rejection.

Heres the art's one:

The twang of the strings as the delicately strung horsehair bow grazes the steel strings, the enraptured sensation of my hand cramping as I write. I dress my best when I am going to a museum and as I stare into the eyes of the paintings, I feel enraptured and perplexed as I try to understand exactly what the artist felt. I get giddy when I find myself surrounded by books restraining myself from checking out more than I can read. For me, understanding what the author writes is a major source of pleasure. When I listen to classical music the world seems to spin. My favorite composition is The Swan by Camille Saint Saëns. The combination of sixteenth and half notes ignites a fire in my soul reassuring me that the world is beautiful. When the song is over beads of water escape from my eyes and with blurred vision, I restart the audio hoping to drift into the same ecstasy I had been in two minutes and forty-five seconds ago.

Out of all the things in my life I am most proud of my appreciation for the arts. Science is my calling and I feel content when I collect samples and slip into my lab coat preparing for hours of analysis and data collection at my research internship. The sterile air and whirring of the machinery are all too familiar to me and serve as a form of congratulations but music and literature reassure and hug me in my moments of solace.

My violin serves as my voice, a means for me to portray emotions beautifully through delicate sound waves and one of my greatest achievements has been mastering her. My experience as section leader has given me much more of an appreciation for music and in everything, I strive to be multi-faceted. Tuning the orchestra at concerts as the harsh lights glisten off the wood of the instruments and setting up practice sessions encouraging and helping my section has taught me valuable lessons in terms of leadership and passion. Upon acceptance into gifted and talented orchestra obligations awaited me it meant playing challenging pit orchestra music to support the theatre during productions and in all this my appreciation grew both for theatre and orchestra as

However my focus may shift from one love to the other, I am confident I will not neglect my appreciation for music and poetry, and I will never miss the joy being able to portray my emotions through music brings. At NYU I can see myself joining Steinhardt's NYUO1 orchestra as well as visiting Broadway shows and continuing to dress my best to visit art and history museums. Open sunlight and scenic views await me at the Brittany Hall penthouse study lounge will also be a place in which I can study while enjoying beautiful views as the sun reflects onto the pages of my books.

Although pursuing my passion and hoping to change the world through research I will not neglect the things that have kept providing me with such joy.

You dont have to read it all btw uhm yeah I just really want to know what to do!


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3 answers

Accepted Answer
a year ago

Hey there @gracedlm2!

Both essays are very good, but I think the one about violin is a lot more personal/gives me a better idea about who you are as a person, so I'd recommend going with that one.

Good luck with your application!

a year ago

As others have said, I recommend choosing the essay about your passion for the arts. This is because admissions officers want to learn about you as a person in the Additional Information section, rather than more details about an extracurricular that is explained in your Activities list. Hope this helps!

a year ago[edited]

Hi @gracedlm2!

Where are you planning to put the essay(s)? Are you talking about the additional information section?

What are your chances of acceptance?
Your chance of acceptance
Duke University
+ add school
Your chancing factors
Unweighted GPA: 3.7
SAT: 720 math
| 800 verbal


Low accuracy (4 of 18 factors)

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