We lived in Arizona, at least a mile away from everything, in the middle of the desert. My parents put me on a competitive swim team when I was five and then stopped when we moved to Colorado when I was six.
I didn’t start swimming again until the summer after fifth grade on my local swim team. My summers consisted of early wake-ups and swimming. For years, I was only on the team because my parents made me. I dreaded each morning I had to wake up for practice. I didn’t care if it was good exercise or even if I was slightly good at it. Each practice I counted down the minutes until my uphill bike home.
My opinion didn’t change until the summer of 2020 when the world shut down. I woke up every morning that summer wishing I was at the pool instead. I missed seeing my teammates, the ones I didn’t want to know and wasn’t friends with. I missed being in the water. I started my freshman year of high school online, waiting for winter to come around so I could swim again.
The first day of practice came and I was so out of shape, but I was ecstatic to be there. I finally could see other people. This practice changed everything for me. Swimming and I became inseparable. When seasons ended, I counted the days until the next started and swam on my own in off-seasons.
Over the years, my main stroke changed a lot. Backstroke, breaststroke, repeat. Never butterfly, never IM. That was until the summer after sophomore year, 2022. My coaches made me race the 100-meter butterfly and 200-meter IM every meet. I struggled on the inside. I felt as if I was drowning and no one could save me, but my times said the opposite. Every race I dropped more and more time. I became confident in these events and got good at them. I made it to finals in both of them. My main events became clear.
High school season came around and I froze. A fear of not being good enough came over me like a dark cloud on a stormy day. Every meet I couldn’t bring myself to race 100 fly. My cloud stayed until there was a month left in the season. The thought of state made me say What if I made it in fly? From then on, I only swam 100 fly.
Swim and Dive league meet, finals, February 2023. My time was 2 seconds away from making state.“Swimmers, take your mark…” says the starter. Beep, the buzzer goes and I take off. The first 50 meters flew by. I took a breath and caught a glimpse of the clock, 31 seconds. I can make it, go a little faster. I make my turn and start the next 25. My underwater became much longer. I was a little behind, but nothing I couldn’t make up in the last 25 meters. Keep going. I hit the wall. I don’t even try to catch my breath and look at the clock. 1:07.69. Did I make it? My brain starts to clear my scattered thoughts. No. 0.69 seconds away from the state cut. I messed up. I dropped time but then started sobbing. I didn’t talk to my coaches after my race due to fear of disappointment. My parents came down to the deck to congratulate my PR. Seeing them just made it worse. I thought I failed them, my team, my coaches. I talked to my coach and he told me I’m going to state in the relay. My month of hard work had paid off. I had the fastest split on the team. I made it. This made me vow to never let fear get in the way of future success.
The essay topic is good if executed well. Instead of finishing with the lesson you learned, I would add examples of how you have incorporated that into your life so we can see your growth. I would also try to come up with a more creative hook so it leaves people intrigued and wanting to read more.
As someone who can get bored easily, I would advise you to break your last paragraph into parts, that way it feels easier to read and the flow is better.
This is a well written essay BUT make sure it speaks to who you are. I am sure this swimming experience was life changing for you, but how? What did you learn? How did you change? The admissions officers want to "meet" you through the essay and get a taste of who you are. You may want to cut back on the descriptions (though they are well written and you should be proud of them) and include more about how this shaped you to be the person you are today. Helpful information to check out: bigfuture.collegeboard.org/plan-for-college/your-college-application/essay-hub/sample-college-essay-1
Hope this is helpful. You are a great writer!
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