how to structure my common app essay?

so i am writing my personal statement (for the first prompt about background) that is about the intersection between science and religion in my life and i wanted to know if the structure of my essay is good enough. it is like 70% the story and 30% reflection at the conclusion, but i go into a lot of depth in the conclusion. during the story part, i also have parts where i discuss whats going on mentally in my mind too, but when i talked to my college info specialist at my school, she said that it was too abstract and that it cant be implied (should be direct). how should i restructure my essay?