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CAN YOU PLEASE HELP¨ ME STRUCTURE MY COMMON APP ESSAY?

-12
votes
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Basically, there are three factors and causes that I wanna talk about in my essay. 1/My parents were divorced when I was 7. After that, my mom, who didn't want me and my brother, decided to disappear from our lives and we never saw her again. We lived with our dad and our grandparents. 2/ I liked making others feel happy and always helped everyone around me( I volunteered in many associations for kids) 3/ I really like sciences and want to become an engineer. I know that my story sounds weird, but can you please help me link these factors together in an essay that will tell my admissions officer about my bubbly personality, and how I wanna make the world a better place?( note that I'm not asking you to write my essay, I just want to link these events in my life in an essay and I'm having trouble with that)

CommonAppEssay
This is not an essay consultancy blog. If you have 1 question that's okay but you really should write your full essay first and put it through the peer review process on a different part of the site for 20 Karma you earn by being helpful. Good luck
ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU DIDN4T EVEN READ MY QUESTION WELL. I WANT A LINK BETWEEN THESE EVENTS NOT AN ESSAY?
Agree with @match we will not write the essay but will review an already written one but you'd need Karma for that. If you have a very narrow question regarding essays like "Is it okay to write about insert topic" that's fine but asking us to do a whole essay is regulated to the peer essay review.
So much for that "bubbly personality" eh? So is shouting all caps demanding someone structure your essay making the world a better place? next.
I didn’t want to laugh but I did.
I think you need to cut it shorter because you can't slam everything together. Colleges want ONE wow moment and these are too many in my opinion. You should stick to the one experience that had the most impact. If you talk about everything above, the reader will get lost and either ways the word count is not so extensive as for you to go well in detail about x y and z.

2 answers

answered on
1
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I agree with Emily in that you should focus on one experience so that you can elaborate more, and I think that you'll find that you have plenty to say even with less points. I would go with your factors 2 and 3 because not to put down your experiences or dumb them down, but many college admissions officers and people giving college advice have said that divorces are a really common essay topic, so I would try to stick to the second two. I think that if you have one volunteering experience that really stuck out to you that you could somehow tie back to your interest in the sciences and why you want to become an engineer, that would work really well.

answered on
0
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I think you need to cut it shorter because you can't slam everything together. Colleges want ONE wow moment and these are too many in my opinion. You should stick to the one experience that had the most impact. If you talk about everything above, the reader will get lost and either ways the word count is not so extensive as for you to go well in detail about x y and z.

Or split one into your CommonApp essay then make the other essay topic a supplemental essay.
thats a great idea !!