Can someone help me improve my history essay structure and sources?

Hi! As a student who got consistent As in AP histories, I would love to help you.

The first thing is the thesis. It needs to be clear, specific and arguable. By arguable, I mean you have to make a stand. It's possible to qualify an argument, but difficult in a history course. The general format should be: Although/Despite (counterclaim), (claim), (evidence that corresponds to your body paragraphs). Example (from APUSH): Although the North had an industrial economy while the South had an agrarian economy (counterclaim), the two regions were economically interconnected and benefited from slave labor (claim) through profits gained by manufacturing textiles in the North and selling cotton in the South (evidence 1 and 2 - corresponds to two body paragraphs).

Then start on your first body paragraph (which should correspond to evidence 1). Topic sentence should expand on this evidence and connect to your thesis. Contextualize first, then start bringing in your specific evidence (again, should be part of/connect/expand on evidence 1). Then connect evidence back to your thesis. Don't be afraid to be really explicit in your analysis. Ending sentence should tie back to thesis again and also transition smoothly into body 2.

Repeat for body 2.

Conclusion should answer "so what?" Or in other words, "why is this event important for American/European/World history? How does it influence culture, economics, politics, foreign policies?"

If you would like to send in your essay and give more details on type of assignment, what class, what rubric, etc, I can give you direct feedback!